saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
