I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
