yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
