i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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