he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
