I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize