3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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