yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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