I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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