By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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