Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
