White coat. Heels.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
