hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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