clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
