So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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