Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
