she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Of course I have a pirate flag
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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