what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
