I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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