If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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