I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Will exercising make me less horny?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
