What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
