maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
