btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
