Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
