I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize