I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Randomize
