dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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