This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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