Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize