Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
