Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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