I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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