one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
