Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
