Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
