whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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