She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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