are you so shy because you have an std?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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