well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
