im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
