Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
