he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
