So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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