I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
