I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
