I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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