Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
