Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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