Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
