did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
