Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
