tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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