I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm always down for nudity.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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