not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
