This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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