you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
