They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
