I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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