well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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