His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
