no, he came in my armpit
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
