It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
