Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
