You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
