i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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