I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
