I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
