Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
