Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
