He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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