yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
