i would punch a child for taco bell
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
