All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
