i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
